Full Figured 10 Page 6

  Chapter 10

  I was living in a constant state of bliss. I wanted to kick myself daily for denying myself this feeling for so long. I now knew what it was like to truly feel happy. Onyx had come in and turned my world upside down, and all I wanted to do was thank him for it.

  I watched him drum at my club on Mondays. Watching him work was better than anything else. I loved the emotion he put into his art. I couldn’t watch him for long without my whole body betraying me. Even when he wasn’t around, I could just think of him on his drums and be back in the moment.

  After my first experience in oral territory, things didn’t change as much as I wanted them to. He still refused to have sex with me. One oral experience had turned me into a junkie for head. I wanted to give it to him all the time and had to fight back the urge to just wake up and take him into my mouth. But he wouldn’t let me do it like I wanted to.

  “There’s no rush, Coral,” Onyx would say to me when I was about to have a childlike tantrum. He would smile or shake his head at my attitude. There was no rush to him, but as for me, I had been waiting almost thirty years to experience the pleasures that he was giving me a taste of. How could he blame me for wanting to experience it all?

  * * *

  I headed over to the church to do my weekly work. I was surprised to see Tangie sitting in the office, opening a bunch of large boxes.

  “Hey, girl. The shirts came in for the Fourth of July family day. They look good too.” Tangie held up one of the purple shirts. I had no idea why they had picked purple for a Fourth of July event.

  “Looks nice,” I said as plopped myself down at my desk. I checked my phone just to make sure I hadn’t missed a call or a text. I looked up to see Tangie staring at me, with an inquisitive look on her face. “What?”

  “Don’t what me. You have been walking in here with all this pep in your step lately. I’m guessing it has to do with the guy.”

  I blushed. “It’s nice. He is rather perfect.”

  “Perfect?” Tangie pressed her lips together. “No man is perfect. Tell me more.”

  I told her about our encounters. I found myself gushing about my time with Onyx. Tangie sat quietly as I spoke. I paused when I noticed her concerned expression.

  “Coral, I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer, but I really hope you are taking your time. You are sitting up here, about to bust over a man you have known for only a little while. I know things seem amazing, but take the time to get to know him.”

  I was a little upset that she was casting a cloud over my happy moment, but deep down I had the same reservations that she had. He did seem too good to be true, and at the moment he had me wide open. I was going to have to find a way to control my feelings.

  “Don’t worry. We are taking it slow. We haven’t actually had sex. He said he wants to wait until I’m completely comfortable.”

  “Well, that is different,” Tangie said, folding her arms. “Most niggas don’t give a damn about comfort. All they care about is their nut.”

  We both laughed.

  I spent the day helping Tangie with preparations for the family day. Being that my birthday was on the sixth, I usually had only the family day to look forward to. Things were going to be very different this year. We laughed and joked about different things, from church members to reality TV. I had to admit that it was refreshing to have someone to talk about things with. Now I understood why women had girlfriends.

  “So are you going to bring this mystery man to church?” Tangie asked.

  I shook my head. “No, I don’t think we are on that level. Maybe one day, but right now we are just having fun.”

  “All right. Just make sure you remember that. Don’t go catching feelings for a man who has said he’s not looking for a relationship. That will only lead to heartache for you. Trust me. Been there, done that.”

  At the end of the day I made it home a lot later than I expected. I was worn out and was actually ready to climb into my bed. I hadn’t heard from Onyx all day, and I was working hard not to focus on that fact. Thankfully, work and Tangie had kept my mind occupied all day, but now I was home, in my big space, by myself.

  I knew I shouldn’t care, but the energy in my house had shifted. Now that I knew what it was like to have someone lying with me, I hated the nights when he wasn’t in my bed with me. I contemplated calling him, but knowing that he already feared me getting clingy, I resisted. I decided to just go to sleep and hope that when morning came, there would be a text or a phone call from him.

  Sleep didn’t come easy. I tossed and turned all over my bed. I finally decided that it was going to take pharmaceutical help for me to get the rest that I needed. I popped an Ambien and crawled back into my California king. My bed had never felt so big. I knew I was tripping. There was no reason for me to miss him this bad after just a few days. I felt like a junkie.

  Chapter 11

  I was now becoming restless. Three days had passed, and I hadn’t heard from Onyx. I finally broke down and sent a text, saying hello, but I got no response. I was finding it hard to concentrate on my work because of my feelings. I knew I shouldn’t care, but I did. How could you do something so amazing to a person and just never call back?

  I tried to remain positive, but my mind was going straight to the worst-case scenarios. Maybe the thought of a virgin had scared him away. I had heard many times that men didn’t want the responsibility of deflowering a woman. Or maybe I had made it too easy. Was I too willing to give it up, and therefore, had I taken the fun out of it? Then there was always the distinct possibility that he was just a whore and an asshole who fucked with girls’ emotions and left them high and dry. He was an artist, after all. Maybe he had tons of other girls he needed to give time to outside of me.

  I sat in my office at my largest wedding facility. I could hear the hustle and bustle of preparations being made for a wedding that was about to take place. This was my most expensive and most sought-after property. Venetian Estate offered three different wedding areas, including the garden, which was covered with flowers and featured Roman-style columns; and the lake, which had a beautiful gazebo inside a pavilion. For my most expensive weddings, clients rented the full facility, just to be able to treat their guests to different experiences. I had never realized how much old money there was in Memphis until I purchased the estate. Everyone from those wanting beautiful million-dollar weddings to spoiled sixteen-year-olds wanting to have lavish parties booked the large mansion for their events.

  I walked out of my office to watch the setup for another million-dollar affair. The pavilion was being transformed into a winter wonderland in the summertime. White was everywhere, with hints of powder blue. Large centerpieces sat in the middle of the ten-person round tables. I couldn’t help but be moved by the romantic feel of the venue.

  My mind drifted to thoughts of a wedding of my own. Rome being my favorite city, I envisioned a destination wedding or a Roman-themed wedding. I could see the dress I would wear. It would definitely have a Roman column, draped feel to it—maybe one shoulder with a long train.

  I gasped at the thoughts I was having. I had never thought about marriage before and had always filed myself in the “never getting married” folder, convinced that I was a lone wolf destined to spend her life living luxuriously and traveling the world. I had never wanted children, but the thought of a child with the right man didn’t mortify me at this moment. My brief encounters with Onyx had opened Pandora’s box.

  I didn’t want to be alone forever, after all.

  * * *

  I walked into my house with three bags of groceries. I heard my phone start to buzz in my pocket. I ran to the counter and dropped the groceries so I could pick up my phone. Across my screen was Onyx’s name. I let the phone ring until it stopped. I wanted to answer, but I was angry. I wanted to make him wait, the way he had made me wait. It took only a few seconds for my phone to ring again.

  “Hello?” I said with attitude as I put the phone on speaker.<
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  “Hey, you. I’m in your neighborhood. Are you home or busy?”

  I grinned but quickly wiped the smile off my face. How dare he think that he can just show up when he wants, without a call or a text in days?

  “Yeah, I’m home.”

  And yet I told him I was home.

  It didn’t take long for him to show up. I opened the front door, hoping he could feel the angry energy coming out of me. Onyx hugged me, but I didn’t hug him back. This made him take two steps back.

  “What’s wrong with you?” he questioned.

  “Nothing,” I said as I stepped away from the door and walked farther into my house. “What’s up?”

  “What’s up? You tell me. You the one walking away with the sassy attitude. What’s going on?”

  I gave a loud sigh. “I texted you, and you never responded. Now you show up here, as if days haven’t gone by and I have heard from you.”

  Onyx lowered his head as he sat on one of my bar stools. “Coral, I have been really busy. But it’s been a couple of days. Didn’t we have a talk the other day about expectations?” Onyx responded calmly.

  “That’s not the point, Onyx. I’m not asking you to call me every hour on the hour, but you spent the night at my house, and then I didn’t hear anything at all.”

  I watched Onyx as he shook his head. He stood up and pushed the stool back under the bar. “See, this is why we had the talk we had. I am not trying to be your boyfriend—”

  “I’m not asking you to be!” I felt myself getting frustrated. “I am just asking for common courtesy, for you to return a simple text.”

  “This was a bad idea. This is why I’m glad we didn’t go all the way. You aren’t going to be able to handle me, Coral. You want more than I’m able to give.”

  There he was, Mr. Brick Wall. I replayed my words in my head. I didn’t think what I was asking for was unreasonable or warranted the response I was getting from him.

  “Why are you acting like I’m asking for your hand in marriage? I asked you to return a text. Do you have any idea how I felt these past few days? I felt like I did something wrong. Like you weren’t happy with what happened between us. I was starting to think I was never going to hear from you again.”

  We stood in silence, staring at each other like two cowboys at high noon. Even with his mood, he was gorgeous. He stood there with his hair hanging down on his shoulders, his cotton tee tight around his biceps as his muscles flexed.

  “Coral, I have a lot going on in my life, and I can’t guarantee that I am going to call or text you every day. When I’m going in for rehearsals or anything, I might not even have my phone on me. But the bottom line is, I shouldn’t have to explain this to you. We just started talking.”

  “So because we just started talking, that means I can’t ask for simple common courtesy, like you returning a text message just to let me know you are okay? I didn’t ask you to come to see me. I didn’t tell you to tell me you loved me. My text said hello. A simple, one-second text back was all that I asked for.”

  “I came over here because I wanted to see you. I wanted to spend some time with you. I wanted to give you time that I honestly could put somewhere else.”

  I didn’t know how to respond. As angry as I was, I also understood where he was coming from. But mentioning that he could give his time to someone else felt like a slap in the face. I didn’t sign up to be insulted.

  “If you have other places you want to be, then go and be there.”

  “Fuck, Coral! Didn’t I just say that I want to be here? Don’t start this bullshit, or you are going to ruin a good thing before it even happens.” Onyx fell silent and paced the floor.

  The silence in the room was maddening. I didn’t want to say anything else that could upset him. And the look on his face made me believe that if he walked out the door, it would be the final time. How did we get to this point? All I had wanted was a simple text.

  “Onyx, I don’t want you to leave. I just want you to understand that, well, I missed you. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but since I’m not good at any of this, I think honesty is the best thing for me.”

  Onyx stopped pacing and looked at me. He walked closer to me and put his hands on my shoulders.

  “I think we might have made a mistake here,” he said. “I like you. Honestly, I like you a lot, but you are in a space where what you need is someone who can give you all the time you need. I can’t take care of you like that.”

  I felt the walls closing in. I wanted to cry, but my pride wouldn’t allow me to shed a tear in front of him. I pulled away from him and walked over to my front door. I opened it without looking at him.

  “I hope that we can be friends. I really think you are an amazing woman,” Onyx said as he tried to touch me, but I pulled away before he could. He walked out the door, and I closed it behind him, knowing it would be the last time he entered my house.

  Chapter 12

  Restless nights and days fell upon me. I spent the next few days in the solitude of my house. I even missed church on Sunday. I spent my time drinking wine, watching television, and replaying events with Onyx in my head. My birthday was creeping up on me, and what I thought was going to be the best birthday ever had quickly turned into something I wanted to come and go as quickly as possible.

  I spent my time trying to understand where I’d gone wrong. How had we gone from zero to one hundred that fast? I knew it wasn’t that irrational of me to request that he contact me after a few days, so why had he flipped out? Maybe things were done differently than I imagined. Maybe I wasn’t cut out for a casual thing with anyone. But Onyx had never felt casual. No matter what he’d said, we were more than just something casual, or at least I thought so.

  By Sunday afternoon, my phone was blowing up from Tangie and other members of the church. I made my voice sound as horrible as possible and blamed my absence on being under the weather. I knew that I couldn’t say I was too sick, or people would show up at my doorstep with all types of soups and homemade remedies.

  By late Sunday night, I knew I had to get a grip on reality. I had businesses to run, and no person was ever supposed to come between me and work. But I couldn’t help but miss him. I battled with thoughts of whether I missed him or whether I missed only the possibilities that he presented to me. Onyx had given me a look into the way my life could be if I had a mate next to me. And as much as I wanted finally to lose my virginity, the idea of having someone by my side was more important than any sexual act.

  I knew there was one place where I could see him. On Monday he would be playing at my venue. I contemplated the pros and cons of attending. He could see me and realize that he had overreacted, and things could get back to status quo, or he could see me and feel like I was only there for him—which would totally be true. What if I got there and he was with another woman? That would break me, and I knew it. But maybe seeing him would be better than driving myself insane from thinking about him all day and night.

  * * *

  I arrived at my venue Monday night and was surprised by the huge turnout. There was a line to get in, something I had never seen before. I parked and came in through the back door. My heart dropped the moment I saw him sitting onstage, performing with the band. He was in his element and was moving his head to his beat. He didn’t see me come in, and I managed to sneak into the back without him noticing my presence.

  “Hey, boss,” Miguel, my manager, said when I walked into the office. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

  “What’s going on? It’s a serious crowd out there.” I took a seat in one of the office chairs.

  “It’s someone’s birthday. I think one of the band members. Yeah, it’s insane out there. I just came back here to do a drop. The bar is making a killing tonight.”

  Miguel excused himself, leaving me in the office alone. I could hear the crowd cheering over the number the band was playing. When the band finished the last note, I decided it was now or never. I walked o
ut into the main room and stood in the corner, behind the bar. One of the waitresses was holding a tray full of shots on the stage. The band was giving toasts to the birthday boy, who turned out to be the saxophonist.

  I smiled at how happy Onyx looked as he and his bandmates took the round of shots. Afterward, they headed back to their instruments and began playing a round of old-school classics. The crowd was grooving; many couples filled the dance floor and danced to their songs. I couldn’t take my eyes off of Onyx. He was so intense, he had a big smile on his face, and he played the drums with so much passion. I couldn’t help but feel the energy coming from him.

  I stayed in the corner, watching as the band played and continued to consume various drinks. Finally, they had their last set and allowed a DJ to take over. Then they headed to the VIP area of the club, where a birthday cake was waiting, along with a lot of women. I tried to hide in the shadows, in hopes of seeing who Onyx might be hugged up with. To my surprise, he mingled like he had the first time I met him. He hugged a few women but also gave handshakes to some of the men and conversed with groups of people. I didn’t see anyone who looked a little too comfortable with him.

  The night went on, and the crowd thinned out rather quickly due to it being a workday for most people. Because there was such a large crowd, I decided to help Miguel with counting down. Once we pulled and sorted all the registers and the front door and then settled everything in the office, I headed back out. I saw Onyx lying down on one of the couches in the VIP area. The other band members were packing up their instruments while he slept.

  “Hey, is he okay?” I asked one of the bandmates.

  “My man had one too many drinks. We will get him after we get all the instruments packed up,” the keyboard player said, winking at me.

  Still concerned, I walked over to the VIP area and attempted to wake Onyx up. He didn’t budge. I shook him until finally he opened his eyes for a moment.

  “Coral. Baby,” he uttered before falling back asleep.